I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
zippers are such a cool invention
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
