I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
