smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
