so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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