i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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