he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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