not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
