so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
