I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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