thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
