i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
