I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
