what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
