Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
