I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
