i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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