i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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