Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
