In America we eat man semen.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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