he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And then he peed in my hair
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