i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
