dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
