I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
