i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
