I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
