How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
