I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
