This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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