i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
