He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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