it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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