I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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