He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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