He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
