I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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