he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
