dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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