Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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