i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
