My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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