Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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