Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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