my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
