I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
