You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
