So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
