Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
