Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
