just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize