so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
