just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize