One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The air was thick with penises
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
