That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
