I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
