When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
