i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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