All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
