Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
