I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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