Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
