Jerry, you need to find god
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
