I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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