omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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