So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
