I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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