the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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