Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
