Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
