Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
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trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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me + whiskey = a bad person
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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