I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
