I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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