That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
