I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
