two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
