how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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