And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize