i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
