He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
